What’s the point?

Sometimes, i pick some significant date to do something that i think just might turn out good.

Like, 30 Jun or 1 Jul. Cos it marks the halfway point of the year. Half-full, half-empty.

I just did something i was pretty adamant on not doing for quite some time. I got connected. And in a big way.

Somehow, i think i will end up ending it sometime soon. Cos i cant deal with the disappointment that is real life.

Yet, i wonder, if there is reason to hope.

Time will tell. Hopefully, it can heal wounds too.

Last night’s theme at St James was Flirt. You wear a lightstick around your wrist to signify your ’status’. I think it goes something like this:

Blue - single and available

Green - predator on the lookout

Yellow - anything goes

Orange - tease with caution

Pink - taken

Thing is, it really doesnt matter what colour you wear, cos if someone wants you, they are gonna approach you even if you are wearing pink. And if you are a troll, no prey is going to offer itself up to your green.

I, of course, got drunk and did unmentionable things, most of which i cant remember. Just the things i can remember, are already making my skin crawl. Ewww!

Spent 2 nights reading "To Know …" and re-reading "Peculiar Chris". Basically impressed with them.

I actually thought PC was better in terms of writing style but TK was better in terms of exploration of a wide variety of themes. I probably preferred TK at this point in time cos it speaks more to me in my current state in life than PC. But i will also point out that PC spoke to me when i first read it in my early 20s.

I noticed that this is a case of book-inspires-play-insprires-book scenario, which is quite rare, i think. And it was quite annoying to read TK cos i know the background of how it started since it was splashed in the gay sites. And separating autobiography from fiction became quite tiring, thou i realise that i shd not have focussed on that but taken the book on its own. Nevetheless, it is my view that trying to find the points of intersection wasnt detracting from the book’s value but adding to its personal communication to me. I mean, you know who some of the characters are based on and you start looking for ‘accurate’ representation of those people and start wondering why certain bits are representative of that person while others are not. You start reading into the motives behind the authorial decisions and discretions and it adds an element of mystery to the book, no?

PC was about a coming-of-age story and i was in my early 20s when i read it. Hence, i could clearly relate to it then, thou the experiences of relationship etc was foreign to me. It was about understanding the self in relation to specific markers of identity. TK explores that further, in the context of identity in a national fight for rights, a significant change in the understanding of HIV, migration, multiple modes of relationships, ‘middle age’ etc. Quite a bit of these, i can relate to.

I tend to think that one often reads a book or watches a movie to see if they can imagine themselves in one of the characters in that medium. Usually, one prefers to see if one can identify with the lead, but as we boys learnt with SATC, it can be any of the other characters (hardly any of the guys i know identify with Carrie, most choosing Samantha instead). I think with its plethora of experiences, most guys can identify with bits of the characters like Ben or Peter. That aside, we can also identify others in our life with some of the characters, like Julian, Iggy,Rob or Holly.

While i was slightly annoyed with certain predictabilities of the novel (when Ben first read some profile, did it already not foreshadow that it would have been penned by the guy he would fall for?), i acknowldege that it is precisely these which made it familiar and comforting. And the drama can be a lil tiring at times (guy with HIV, father with Parkinsons etc), i guess we all need a lil crisis to bring out the hero in us.

2 passages i like:

"Like many other gay men, both Rob and I went through our own manic clubbing phases in our younger days, but we’d grown out of them by the time we met around the age of thirty. When you start out as a clubber, everything’s new, and you display yourself on podiums and make a twat of yourself; after a while you learn to stick to the dance floor but move with dwindling enthusiasm as the years go by; then you stand on the sides, wondering how come the people around you seem to be getting younger all the time; and eventually you ask yourself why you’re there, and stop going altogether. It’s like a series of mini rites of passage, only some gay men are slower in progressing through them than others.’ - pg 162

"’Never mind your funeral,’ he responded, looking at me soberly. ‘Whose name are you going to say when you’re dying?’"

My mother, equally sceptical about gay relationships, added, ‘Or who is going to call out your name before they die?’" - pg 228

Of course there are lots more bits i really like, but these 2 stand out for obvious reasons.

Of cos, all said and done, i look forward to reading more novels and watching more plays of this quality, but i guess both are hard to top.

It is interesting when life imitates art.

Nip / Tuck’s current season has this side storyline on escorts who pick up people and then surgically remove their kidneys for trading. This was big news some years back with all the mass emails warning people about it. Highly sensationalised, you are never quite sure which of these emails to believe.

Now, Sg has charged 2 Indonesians for selling / offering to sell their kidneys. Big news cos one of the prospective buyers is Chairman of Tangs. So the Health Ministry is reviewing yada yada.

Let me get this clear: You charge the 2 guys who were selling but not the 2 buyers? The sellers lied on their declarations that they were related to the kidney patients and were not receiving money for the donation. You mean to tell me the buyers did not have to do a similar declaration for their part? By any stretch of the imagination, this is not possible.

If the buyers dont get charged, this is absolutely preposterous. And if they do and are found guilty, no point in fining them under the current legislation cos the fine is less than even the price they offered for the kidneys. Money is not quite the issue to these rich people. And can you jail them in view of their medical condition?

Wow, looks like justice just might not be served after all.

I believe in what this writer is saying. Seriously, some of the people i meet are so stupid i dunno how they managed to avoid choking on their own saliva. That said, i am once again attempting to lengthen my pretty miserable life by cutting down on some of life-endangering activities. I dun quite know why i bother thou.

Was watching I Propose on tv. Some thoughts …

How many times has the proposee said no? How do you ever get over the international humiliation of getting turned down?

If some tv crew is filming you, dun you wonder what the hell is going on? Is every proposee a Lois Lane who is so daft she cant see the obvious?

Why does one need to tell the whole world that they are proposing? Are we such publicity whores?

Why do i find all this so contrived and yet start bawling when the question is popped and the answer is yes?

I am quite amused when people complain that setting up new gantries or raising charges just pushes the jams to arterial roads - which then get crowded and end up attracting their very own gantries. The goal isnt to make your driving experience better - it is to deter you from driving where possible. Road space is a scarce commodity in Sg and therefore it is priced to allow only those who can afford it.

Why this mentality? Cos ease of transport affects your attractiveness as a business destination. And anything that helps the economy grow (even at the expense of the happiness of your citizens) is instituted in Sg.

My issue is that you cant tell people to stop driving when you haven provided acceptable alternatives. No need to repeat grouses on the infrequent, hub-and-spoke bus systems and overcrowded infrequent trains here.

As the saying goes, when the only tool in your box is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. However, apart from punishing an undesired behaviour, what about incentivising desired behaviour? How about making public transport really attractive so people will actually want to switch from driving?

So, what’s with the reduction in road tax recently? If govt wants people to stop driving, then why this incentive that gives a mixed signal?

Thing is, govt is not asking you to stop driving. Just not drive at the places and times that it doesnt want you to drive. Which happen to be all the times and places when you actually want to drive! Most of our lives revolve around work. So, if i cant drive to work, then have car for what?

Having a car is part of the Sg dream. So, govt makes it conducive for more people to get a car. This way, you cant complain that you cant afford a car. You can only complain that you cant drive your car to congested areas at crowded times - which sounds reasonable?

Part of Sg policy making seems to be to targetted at achieving a very fine-tuned and nuanced outcome - which is about trying to meet all the various goals (which can be contradictory) at the same time. When you try to please everyone, you usually end up pleasing noone.

While i have moaned about my skimpy social circle, i am also wondering if this is for the best. I am hard to please and as i took a hard look at my frens, i realise we are always skating on thin ice. At the slightest provocation, tempers flare up and rude accusations are thrown at one another. Everything is simmering under the lid and when things come to a boil, they really scald the skin off you.

When a misunderstanding occurs, the text messages that are sent are pretty hurtful. It doesnt sound like the party is angry with you for one issue but that there is an underlying hatred that just found an opportunity to finally erupt. After things blow over, everyone behaves like nothing happened. While that is great for moving on, i still don’t get the sense that the suspected hatred has disappeared.

Why do you behave like a fren with someone whom you actually despise? Is it better to have a hated fren than no fren?

Me, obviously being difficult, tend to feel that i would rather keep my distance if i harboured such feelings. And recent events made me question the kind of people my closest social circle happen to be.

If it means that i have absolutely noone to talk to or hang out with, so be it. I shd just take it as good training for the eventual condition i will be in anyway.

The interesting thing i noted was how my frens keep telling me who they hate. I meanwhile am wondering who hates me.

Ideal it would be to have both, but if i could only have one, would it be self confidence or self-reflexivity?

Watching Sex and the City has awoken evil thoughts in me - i am now (once again) a full-blown label whore.

Have been (as usual) depressed over (the usual) stuff and resorted to shopping with no control. I’ve got stuff i never actually will use and stuff i didnt really want but just accumulated them anyway cos i somehow deluded myself that purchasing them will boost my self-esteem. Predictably, i am now still as depressed and back on the slippery slope to broke-ville.

I also bought stuff to help turn me into a better person - somehow i know they will not be put to much use thou.

I should nevertheless give myself some credit for not splurging at Lord Voldemort’s abode despite the temptation :)

When St James club’s policy to allow free entry only for foreign students made the news, some said that, as a private establishment, St James is free to do as it pleases. So, they reckoned that one should not complain and just avoid that place if one is unhappy with the policy.

Following the furore, St James has removed that  policy (whether they extended free entry to local students or removed free entry for foreign students, i actually dunno).

So, while it is common to say that pte companies could do as they pleased, or that we could vote with our feet, a little communication between the parties involved may just get a better solution for the disgruntled party. Whether you want to patronise an establishment with that mindset to start off with is up to you.

Of course, it helps if your disgruntlement is on the front page of a local daily

Nope, not the designer brand. Talking about Yaw Shin Leong.

1st, he declares in his blog that he voted for a PAP member. Now, he declares that he was wrong to vote for the PAP candidate. His reasons for both decisions dun seem well-thought through. Worst of all, his decision to declare all these, seems totally unthought through.

When i encountered him at NUS, i was actually quite irritated with him. He was incoherent in his arguments and seemed to deal with topics for tutorial at an emotional rather than intellectual level. When i heard he was in politics, i admired his passion and hoped that he was perhaps more rational now. Yes, all of this is my 1st impressions of a guy i hardly know, but alas, this is the image that has stayed in my mind.

One thing this fiasco has reminded me of is the need to be self-reflexive. If he had some of that, he would not have made some of the arguments he used to explain his decision to vote for the PAP candidate.

Hope this does not screw up too many things for the WP, which i am quite impressed with, thanks in particular to Sylvia Lim.

Obviously, as a Hindu, i need to re-evaluate the sacredness of the cow following this report:

http://www.independent.co.uk/environment/climate-change/cow-emissions-more-damaging-to-planet-than-cosub2sub-from-cars-427843.html

I was led to this article by a link from Mr Wang Says So. But it got me thinking … does it make any sense that it would take 990 litres of water to make 1 litre of milk? The ‘fact’ was a one-liner, with no references or elaboration (i guess ‘creative’ accounting had a role to play in this stat). I am wary of statistics that are this sensational.

It is like saying that the energy required just to keep me alive for a year can raise the temperature of 1 litre of water by 547,500 degrees! Theoretically, it is true. I need 1,500 calories daily purely for sustenance, but put that way, it does sound like i am a huge drain on earth’s scarce resources, no?