While i have moaned about my skimpy social circle, i am also wondering if this is for the best. I am hard to please and as i took a hard look at my frens, i realise we are always skating on thin ice. At the slightest provocation, tempers flare up and rude accusations are thrown at one another. Everything is simmering under the lid and when things come to a boil, they really scald the skin off you.
When a misunderstanding occurs, the text messages that are sent are pretty hurtful. It doesnt sound like the party is angry with you for one issue but that there is an underlying hatred that just found an opportunity to finally erupt. After things blow over, everyone behaves like nothing happened. While that is great for moving on, i still don’t get the sense that the suspected hatred has disappeared.
Why do you behave like a fren with someone whom you actually despise? Is it better to have a hated fren than no fren?
Me, obviously being difficult, tend to feel that i would rather keep my distance if i harboured such feelings. And recent events made me question the kind of people my closest social circle happen to be.
If it means that i have absolutely noone to talk to or hang out with, so be it. I shd just take it as good training for the eventual condition i will be in anyway.
The interesting thing i noted was how my frens keep telling me who they hate. I meanwhile am wondering who hates me.
Ideal it would be to have both, but if i could only have one, would it be self confidence or self-reflexivity?