Know the saying ‘cutting off the nose to spite the face’? Looks like i am about to do that.
As i wait in eager anticipation for the year end bonus and performance bonus that will be paid out at the end of the financial year, am looking for jobs. Strangely, i made a good enough impression on one of the recruiters that she is actively sourcing for opportunities for me. Her last opportunity means a pay cut but i am still tempted to leave my current job. After looking closely at the job scope, i realise i will die at the new job but still …
I know it is counter-productive to keep looking for jobs if i dun want to leave cos of the bonuses (despite the downturn, i know my bonuses will still be substantial. i can actually take a holiday in NYC with just one of the bonus payouts!)
Basically, i am crying out for attention and some excitement. A few weeks back, i went into an amazing period of restlessness and was almost going insane. I couldnt really explain why but somehow, i just felt that everything that was simmering was coming to a boil. My personal inadequacies were being compounded by my loneliness and lack of a career to make it all worthwhile. I thought leaving this place would be the silver bullet. I know that is really really dumb and pure ‘frying pan into the fire’ but that was all i could think of.
Am trying to calm myself down and be more rational. Keep reminding myself of the reasons for why i want to leave and decided that if it meets those goals, i will take a pay cut, sacrifice my bonuses and split.
Maybe i can then delude myself that my current (and soon-to-be ex-) colleagues will miss me when i am gone and feel better about my life.
That aside, i dun like my nose anyway.