Banta Singh walks into a bar in London , orders 3 glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more. The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."
Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai , the other in Canada and I’m here in London . When they left home, we promised that we’ll drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."
The bartender admits this is a nice custom and leaves it there.
Banta Singh became a regular in the bar and would always drink the same way. He’d order 3 Beers and drink them in turn.
One day, he came in and ordered only 2 Beers. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bar tender says, "I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss."
Banta Singh looked confused for a moment, and then he laughs…. "Oh, no,"
He said, "Everyone’s fine; both my brothers are alive. The only thing is . . I just quit drinking!"
September 30, 2009
Supposed award-winning joke Commenting
September 28, 2009
Black T Whining
Seriously, why?
Just about everything today was bad. Apart from being forced to wake up much earlier than planned cos of renovation noise outside to wasting almost 2 hours travelling for some event i didnt want to attend to a meal which i ended up throwing away, everything has been bad.
Back in depression cos my imagination went into drama mode and i almost started tearing on the train. I already know the sensible thing to do is see a doctor. But am not going to.
I have always been depressed. I am not coping with it but i dun know how to live my life any other way, i think. It’s like getting into a relationship. I am not happy being single but am pretty sure i will be a lot more unhappy in a relationship cos i just will screw it up for someone else, apart from myself. I can’t do happy.
Just when you think the depressing day is ending, my mum tells me a piece of news. There is this one black collared top i absolutely love. It is absolutely wrinkle-free. And looks silky/satiny. I feel good when i wear it. I dun feel as ugly as at other times. I bought it with my hard-earned money when i was still schooling and doing part-time work. It was originally $60 but was at 20% off, so that made it $48. I walked around and around the display asking myself if i should buy it cos it was so pricey then to me, as i was earning very little. After probably about an hour, i finally bought it. It was for Deepavali, so i tried to justify the purchase by telling myself this was a special occasion. That was 10 years ago. I still remember the day i bought that T. It remains a very important symbol to me of some better times in my life, when i felt a lot better about myself. Just some days ago, i wore it cos i wanted to feel better about myself. I did for that day.
Seems the bamboo pole with the T fell today and someone took the T away.
Maybe i shouldn’t have tried to feel better about myself some days ago.
September 25, 2009
Win tickets to The Blue Mansion Commenting
September 21, 2009
Welcome to the Working Week Commenting
Just finished Welcome to the Working Week by Paul Vlitos. Male version of Bridget Jones’s diary. The whole book is actually just a series of emails.
Story is about a loser guy - dumped by girlfriend, lost roommate and caught for misuse of office email.
But it is really really witty and funny. Strongly recommended.
September 14, 2009
The unacknowledged victims of homophobia Whining, Commenting
This article has a very interesting take on homophobia and its consequences.
Reminds me of one of the wives in Brokeback Mountain, whom i thought was the one who suffered the most among the lot.
But seriously, a term like "mixed orientation marriages"? Enough already.
Thankful that i am not gonna put someone else through this hell. Not that it never crossed my mind. When i was ‘questioning’ ie. wasn’t quite sure if i was gay when i was a teenager, i thought marriage was the only option. Thank goodness for my uni education which really opened my eyes to the notion that marriage was an opportunity, not an eventuality.
September 8, 2009
Sharing in a marriage Commenting
Sweet story of romance between an old couple who share everything:
Sharing in a marriageThe old man placed order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He un -wrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink; his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously, they were thinking, ‘That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them’. As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything. People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said ‘No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.’ Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked ‘What is it you are waiting for?’ She answered …
(Continue below - this is great)
‘THE TEETH.’
5 Minutes Management Course Commenting
As usual, some stuff being forwarded from my email:
5 minute – Management CourseLesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’ After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’ ‘It was Bob the next door neighbour,’ she replies. Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’ Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2: A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’ The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’ Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’ Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’ ‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ Puff! She’s gone. ‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’ Puff! He’s gone. ‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’ Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4: An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’ So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5: A turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’ ‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’ The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
Lesson 6: A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lays there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Morals of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
Congratulations! THIS ENDS YOUR 5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE!
Nines Commenting
Thought you might be interested in something significant tomorrow.
Sometime after 9 am tomorrow, it will be 09:09:09, 09/09/09.
September 7, 2009
The Spell Whining
Ok, so it didn’t make it to 1000 nights. But it was long by most standards.
After 756 nights, i had sex.
Well, still thinking about the point of it all. With someone who did not want to exchange numbers with me. Whose name i could not really catch. In a drunken stupor. Someone whom i could possibly run into in the future but have no idea how to react when and if it happens. If we recognise each other at all that is.
There i was thinking i just might do it next with someone i was dating, with whom i could possibly be in a relationship. Yet, it was random and mindless. I could say i was drunk … but i know it was a conscious decision. My self-esteem has been dipping further slowly, and perhaps this was a way to make myself feel worthy of some attention.
Except those who saw the partner in crime (not in action of course!) said he wasnt cute. Do they not realise Cute is not an option for me? (sidenote: i thought the guy was cute actually)
On the bright side, his flatmate (who wasnt in) had a really cute dog! If anything, i remember stroking the dog more than stroking the guy! This was a supremely easygoing dog who did not bark when i walked in (bad guard dog!). I know the next bit sounds pathetic but bear with me … after i was dressed and about to leave, the dog kept tugging at me and i just sat at the door of that guy’s room patting the dog for a good few minutes. When he walked out after a while, think he must have been so freaked out.
Anyway, there ends another spell.
Start of another i guess.